HEADLINES DATED 1ST JAN 2023:

1. President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italian Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi.
2. Dhoom 17 ready for release.
3. I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar
4. Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage.
5. Mein tau aabhi jawan hu - Dev Anand.
6. Petrol Rs.999/lt.
7. Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has completed 400yrs.
8. Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of world cup in 1st round after losing to Korea.
9. N.Siddhu will launch his own TV channal where he can speak for a whole day.

Worlds Best Farewell Email - absolute piece of art !!

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past three years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "mostly satisfactory." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Rudy: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Steven: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Eileen: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these “email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

To Felix: I left a new wristwatch on your desk. It is so that you might be able to still tell time even without your hourly phone call to let me know the copier is jammed. (Call Steven – he’ll come by.)

And finally, to Kat: you were right - I tested positive. We’ll talk later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,

Chris Kula


PS: I will be throwing myself a happy hour farewell party at the burnt-out bar in the sub-basement of the bus station. Please do not stop by.

Santa Singh's application to the Principal .. awesome !!

To,
The Principle,
Guru Harkishan Public School, Kalka Ji ,
New Delhi.

Sir,

Binti eh hai ki ajj kall school vich Dil nahin lagda te raat nu neend
vi nahi aandi. Kyonki school vich kudiyyan ghatt ne. Sohni vee nai hai,
jo hai oh sabb eniyann ajeeb ne ki dekhann nu ji ni karda, sab kaali
peeli hengi. Te Madama v koih khass patakka ya jabardast maal nahi haan.

Hor kuch nai te ghatt to ghatt receptionist hi sohni rakh lavo....
taaki nave bachhe admission laen layyee motivate ho sakan.

Aap ji da bahut dhannwad howega.

Your's faithfully,
Santa Singh

Have you ever wondered.......

...that letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99 (Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

...that letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999 (Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)

...that letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999 (Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)

...that letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting...

10 Most Common Passwords

If you recognize yours, you may as well hand over your wallet or purse to the first person you see on the street. password 123456 qwerty abc123 letmein monkey myspace1 password1 link182 (your first name) Source: InTechnology.com, 2007

In the line of Fire

Vivek Pradhan wasn't a happy man. Even the plush comfort of the First Class air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi Express couldn't cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and entitled to air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin guy, it was the savings in time. A PM had so many things to do! He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use. "Are you from the software industry sir," the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop. Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car. "You people have brought so much advancement to the country sir. Today everything is getting computerized." 'Thanks," smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a detailed look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stocky like a sportsman. He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a Railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass. "You people always amaze me," the man continued, "You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside." Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naivety demanded reasoning not anger. "It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it." For a moment he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single statement. "It is complex, very complex." "It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid," came the reply. This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence came into his so far affable, persuasive tone. "Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in." "Hard work!" "Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office doesn't mean our brows don't sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing." He had the man where he wanted him and it was time to drive home the point. "Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country. Thousands of transactions accessing a single database at a given time; concurrency, data integrity, locking, data security. Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?" The man was stuck with amazement, like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination. "You design and code such things." "I used to," Vivek paused for effect, "But now I am the project manager," "Oh!" sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, "so your life is easy now." It was like being told the fire was better than the frying pan. The man had to be given a feel of the heat.

"Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I don't do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality. And to tell you about the pressures! There is the customer at one end always changing his requirements, the user wanting something else and your boss always expecting you to have finished it yesterday." Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with self-realization. What he had said was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth. "My friend," he concluded triumphantly, "you don't know what it is to be in the line of fire." The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization. When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek. "I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire," He was staring blankly as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time. "There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom. In the morning when we finally hoisted the tricolor at the top only 4 of us were alive." "You are a..." "I am Subedar Sushant Singh from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a land assignment. But tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier. On the dawn of that capture one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain refused me permission and went ahead himself. He said that the first pledge he had taken, as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded. His own personal safety came last, always and every time. He was killed as he shielded that soldier into the bunker. Every morning now as I stand guard I can see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire." Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of his reply. Abruptly he switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a word document in the presence of a man for whom valor and duty was a daily part of life; a valor and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes. The train slowed down as it pulled into the station and Subedar Sushant Singh picked up his bags to alight. "It was nice meeting you sir." Vivek fumbled with the handshake. This was the hand that had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger and hoisted the tricolor. Suddenly as if by impulse he stood at attention, and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute. It was the least he felt he could do for the country. This incident during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true life incident during the Kargil war. Major Vikram Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and his various other acts of bravery he was posthumously awarded the Param Vir Chakra - the nation's highest military award